


STILL

by kenainot



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Bad Spelling & Grammar, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Romance, Some Plot, The Author Regrets Everything, To Be Edited, Triggers, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 12:45:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19318462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenainot/pseuds/kenainot
Summary: Still (Nakjoon ft. Luna).mp3





	STILL

**Author's Note:**

> unedited because author is sleep deprived. 
> 
> This is a work of fiction. There are issues that may be triggering for you. Proceed with caution.

*

It was almost three am if Jinwoo's bedside clock was correct. He was suddenly awake, and he's nursing his second can of beer, waiting to feel sleepy again. He didn't know why he woke up, but it was the things he did when he woke up that kept him more restless.

He habitually turned his body around, only to see an empty side and he felt nothing but air. He was supposed to be used to it, but he still felt something stirred inside of him.

His heart suddenly ached.

He picked up his phone, but did not swipe it to open. It was Friday, well Saturday now, and Seunghoon gave him a call earlier. He was invited to drink but Jinwoo declined the invitation. He was clearly avoiding them, and Seunghoon knew that. The invitation was more of a 'hey, you're still a friend so we should still invite you even if you always say no' kind of thing. Jinwoo appreciates it, but he feels guilty too. The entire situation was eating him up. 

He knew it was the right decision, but his entire being felt like it was hollowed and emptied all the time. Distancing himself from his friends was one of the hardest things to do when he made his decision, and the constant emptiness that he feels isn't making him feel right.

It was a scary feeling.

Jinwoo stared at the unopened beer in front of him, trying to decide if three cans would actually make him fall asleep. Or if sleep would come to him again before the sun rises in a few hours.

It was one of those nights, he guesses.

He opened the can, and tasted the bitter beer. He sighed and stared at his phone again, finally deciding to open it. There was a message from Seungyoon but he did not open it, opting to open his work email instead.

He'll read it later. Later when his mind is clear and he won't do something he would regret.

He has done a lot of things that he was not proud of, and he was adamant on making sure that he won't make any right now.

His emails were mostly routine, and so he found himself with nothing to check anymore. Sleep isn't really coming to him. He placed his phone down, and stared at the empty seat in front of him.

Jinwoo's reverie was awakened when he hears his doorbell. He creased his brows and checked the time again. 

3:34 am.

He bit his lip, and walked towards his door. His heart suddenly doubling its beat. Jinwoo checked the little screen before opening.

"Mino," He whispered.

He wasn't sure if he should open it.

He watched Mino pressing the bell again. Jinwoo bit his lower lip and decided to unlock his door. It was late and he didn't want to disturb his neighbors.

Their eyes met.

"Hey," says Mino.

Jinwoo could not remember if he said anything back, but he motioned for the other to come in. The two of them walking towards Jinwoo's living room.

Jinwoo could already feel his heart constricting.

Mino opted to take the love seat while Jinwoo sat on the other on, in front of Mino. No one has spoken a word yet, and Jinwoo decided to be the braver soul.

"What brings you here?" asked Jinwoo, and he watched Mino fidget in front of him, finding the words to say.

Jinwoo has realized that Mino has not looked at him in the eye, even when he opened that door earlier.

It was few more minutes before Minl decided to answer his question.

"Seunghoon called me tonight. He told me to spend time with them, and I wanted to say no because I thought you'd like to spend time with them now. But he told me you already declined, you know." answered Mino, his voice a little raspy for some reason. 

"It's not your fault." uttered Jinwoo.

"They told me that too, but I don't think I would ever believe that at all." countered Mino, eyes meeting Jinwoo in front of him.

It was misty and hazy, a clear indication that he was trying stop his tears.

"I still went because I felt so guilty. I have not seen them for a while, you know, after everything that happened." muttered Mino, hands clasped and eyes focused on Jinwoo.

"I'm happy that you saw them tonight-"

"But I kept looking for you." whispered Mino, "I kept checking my side. I looked so lost back there. I kept checking if you're there. If you need a refill. If you want to go home already. And ten Seungyoon would hold me, and bring me back to reality. I felt so lost there, hyung."

Mino's voice was softer that what was Jinwoo was used to hearing. It was so vulnerable, so broken. And all he wanted to do right now, is envelope the younger in a tight hug and whisper sweet nothings to him. 

But he shouldn't. He told himself over and over again.

"I did not drink. I just can't. Not with all the things that occurred when I drank last time. And I-" Mino's words got caught on his breath, and he inhaled to stop himself from breaking down in front of Jinwoo.

It was so hard to say the words in front of the person you hurt the most.

Jinwoo stared at him with misty eyes.

"I kept thinking about you, hyung. I kept looking at the time. I wonder if you've gone home safely. I know you never liked walking alone from the bus stop. I used to wait for you there, you know. So I-I told Seunghoon I needed to get out of there." Mino chuckled, but it was hollow and broken.

"Mino, why are you telling me this?" Jinwoo asked in a whisper.

"I told the cab driver to drop me off the bus stop near your apartment." answered Mino. "I didn't mean to say it, but I just did. Like I always did before."

"Mino," Jinwoo uttered. "It's late."

"I sat and waited in there. It was ridiculous because it's almost one am, and you finish work at seven. And I know I should've gone home, but I walked and knocked on your door instead. And I know you probably hate me because I hate myself too." Mino was rambling now.

"Hey," Jinwoo whispered. He wanted to be closer to Mino but he stayed rooted at his seat. 

"Mino, listen to me. I don't hate you. I don't hate you. You have to remember that." Jinwoo is not sure if his words are registering on the other.

His heart is constantly aching.

Mino was crying now. He sounded so broken,Jinwoo wanted to just close the distance between them. 

But he made a promise, and he shouldn't break it.

It was best for the both of them.

"I just felt like an idiot, you know. You did everything to keep what we had, and there I was, being stupid. letting you slip away."

Jinwoo bit his lips. He has so many words to say, but he chose to stay quiet. Waiting for Mino to say more.

"I did this to myself. To us. Hyung, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know I can't have you back, but I really want you." Mino's sobs were breaking every resolve that Jinwoo has built for the past two months.

"I want you so much."

Silence.

"We've burned out, Mino." Jinwoo whispered, but Mino still heard it. His cries still not suppressed. 

Yeah, they have burned out. 

And Jinwoo tried to save the embers. Only for Mino to step on it, and let what little is left, die in front of them.

*

2 months earlier

The rain was getting heavier as Jinwoo sat at the bus stop alone. He already texted Mino, but the other has stopped replying an hour ago. He told the younger he would arrive at eleven pm today, his work requiring an overtime.

He never liked walking alone at night, and Mino has always walked with him. Well, at least for the most part of their relationship. The past ten months is a different story.

Jinwoo sighed.

He also told Mino he didn't bring an umbrella.

He bit his lips and watch the raindrops fall in front of him. The rain was not stopping anytime soon. He checked his phone again, and found no messages from his boyfriend. Disappointment is already brewing inside of him, but it wasn't like he wasn't used to it by now.

Mino has always found an excuse for every canceled date that they had for the past few months now. He had to prepare for an exhibition. He woke up late because he needed to see a client. He could not pick him up because he was out with important people. 

Jinwoo has heard it all, and he wonders what excuse would his boyfriend tell him for this one.

"Ten minutes." Jinwoo whispered to no one in particular.

He opened his messaging app, and sent lne last message, asking Mino if he would pick him up or not. 

Jinwoo could always run back home. It was only about ten minutes or less if he sprints, but he brought some files with him, and he would need it for tomorrow's meeting. He would not like to reprint it again tomorrow because it'll take too much time. He was trying to think of his options when his phone vibrated. Seunghoon was calling him.

"Hey," Jinwoo answered softly.

"Are you home?" Seunghoon asked on the other line. 

"Not yet. I'm waiting for Mino in the bus stop, but it seems like he won't pick me up." Jinwoo answered honestly.

"I'm at a club right now, and I saw Mino and some of his friends that I don't really know so I was wondering if you're here somewhere." Seunghoon uttered, voice careful all of a sudden.

Jinwoo could taste bitterness inside of him.

"Oh," He found himself responding. "I'll just go home then."

"No, stay there. I'll pick you up. I'm about twenty, no make that ten, minutes away from you anyways. It's raining. I have an extra umbrella inside my car." Seunghoon answered in a rush before placing the phone down.

Jinwoo had no chance to refuse, and so he waited some more in the bus stop.

"Thank you for taking me home, hoon-ah." Jinwoo stated as the two of them walked side by side. Seunghoon gave him his own umbrella, while the other was also sheltered, carrying Jinwoo's files from the office.

"It's no problem, hyung. You were quite near, and I know I had an extra umbrella inside my car." Seunghoon smiled at him.

"You always find a way to save the day for me. I'm starting to think you have a Jinwoo is in trouble radar somewhere in your pocket." Jinwoo stated, mood a little bit better.

It was true, after all. Seunghoon has always been a steady companion and dear friend for him for the part few months. The younger understanding him even if he doesn't talk about his situation that much.

Seunghoon has always been perceptive, and Jinwoo appreciates the lack of question. He hasn't broke down yet, and a question from someone who cares for him might just do it for him.

"You could always tell me when you need help. I don't do much during off-season." Seunghoon answered.

"Ah, you're going to leave me again." Jinwoo pouted.

"Yeah. The dance company's touring in Europe next month so I'll be gone for a long time." The other responded.

Jinwoo looked at his friend, and smiled.

"I'm glad I told you to chase your dreams." He responded.

Seunghoon laughed. 

"You rejected my confession, you know."

It was now Jinwoo's turn to laugh. They were almtlst out of college, Jinwoo finishing his internship and Seunghoon receiving an acceptal letter from an international dance company.

He knew it wouldn't work out.

"Hey, you know why I did it, and I don't regret it. I still have you with me." Jinwoo muttered.

"True. True. I'm glad you said no too, but that doesn't mean I like seeing you like this."

Jinwoo's heart dropped at Seunghoon's words. His friend looking at him intently now. 

They were almost at his apartment.

"Oh wow, look who we have here." 

Jinwoo and Seunghoon's attention was shifted as they hear the voice behind them.

"Mino," Jinwoo uttered, creasing his brows. "When did you get here?"

The two of them heard Mino laugh before speaking. "What? You don't want me to be here? Are you going to invite Seunghoon inside, huh?"

Seunghoon's eyebrows creased this time  
He didn't like what Mino was implying at all. He was a friend to the both of them.

"You're clearly drunk and not in your right mind." Jinwoo mentioned clearing his throught. The eldest lf the three not liking the situation at all.

"I'm not drunk. Tipsy. Maybe." Mino answered and chuckled after.

"I waited for you but you didn't come so Seunghoon offered to walk me home. I don't even know why I'm explaining to you right now." Jinwoo's voice was frustrated and at the edge.

"Huh, of course, you don't have to explain. You two are just mushy as friends." Mino was really testing him.

"Really, man? You're going to be like this? You're in the wrong here." Seunghoon's voice was already raising. 

Jinwoo held his friend's shoulder.

"Hey," Jinwoo muttered facing Seunghoon. "Thank you for the umbrella and for walking me home. I'll talk to him." He took the files from Seunghoon's hands.

Seunghoon heard Mino's snort, and he was moving forward to talk to Mino qnd give him a punch, but Jinwoo's hold was firm.

"Call me." Seunghoon grimly muttered before walking away from them.

"You have such good friends." Mino was clearly being sarcastic.

Jinwoo sighed.

"You're drunk. Maybe you should go to your studio and sleep there for tonight."

"Why? So you could call him and invite him back to our place?" Mino stated as he walked toward Jinwoo. The latter not moving an inch.

"I don't want to do this tonight." Jinwoo was about to turn around and walk away, but Mino grabbed his shoulders. He lost his footing, sending all his files to the ground. 

Wet and unusable.

"What is your problem?" Jinwoo was shouting now.

He was already at the edge.

"Why are you always with him?" Mino shouted back.

Jinwoo released a hollow laugh, forcibly roving Mino's hand from his arm.

"Seriously," Jinwoo bit his lip. "Because you're not here at all."

Silence.

"You cancel our plans. And you know what? That was fucking fine the first few months. You were finally putting you're art out there. I was proud of you. But right now? I know you're canceling our dates because you're off to see your new crowd." Jinwoo's voice is clipped.

"I'm doing this for us!" Mino's voice was clearly angry.

"I don't think that's what it's all about anymore. I'm losing you. You don't even try to include me in your world anymore, Mino."

Jinwoo stared at his boyfriend. 

"What the fuck do you mean?"

The shouting was stirring a vile on Jinwoo's throat.

"You're still a part of my plans. I used to be a part of yours, but I can't even give you a call without you telling me you're busy. You have meetings. You're expanding your circle. I'm not stupid." Jinwoo's voice was still calmer, but his lungs feels like it's going to burst anytime.

"I tried so hard, Mino. I fucking tried. I know you're tired, and fucking tried to understand you. But I'm tired too." Jinwoo wiled the stray tear in his cheek.

"Hyung," Mino is not shouting anymore. "I'm sorry for shouting. Let's go home. Hmmm?"

Jinwoo bit his lower lip.

It was a never ending cycle.

"No, you go home. I'll go somewhere else." He said stepping away from his boyfriend.

"You'll go to Seunghoon, huh."

A slap.

Mino blinked at the impact of Jinwoo's hand on his right cheek.

"Do not disrespect me when I've done nothing but love you for the last five years."

"Hyung, I-" 

"Clear your head. I don't need someone like you in my life right now."

The statment was like a cold shower for Mino.

Each word piercing in his gut.

"What do you-"

"I'm breaking up with you."

Jinwoo didn't look back.

*

Jinwoo watched Mino fall asleep on the couch. The other too tired from a his crying. His heart was still hurting, but he knew giving in would only get them back in circles.

And it was a tiring cycle.

It's six am now, and Jinwoo has texted Seungyoon to pick his friend up.

He made his way to the kitchen and fix himslef coffee, almost reaching for another cup. He stopped himself and sat down on the chairs, his cup placed on the kitchen island.

Jinwoo wasn't aware of how long he was sitting there when he saw Mino entering the kitchen. The younger greeting him, and Jinwoo nodding telli g the other that he could have coffee.

The whole exchange was cold and clipped. Jinwoo didn't want to slip.

Mino sat on the other side of the kitchen island.

"I miss you." Mino whispered loud enough for Jinwoo to hear.

"I miss you too." Jinwoo whispered back.

The response only breaking their hearts more.

"I'm sorry for not realizing earlier." It was Mino.

"I'm sorry for not saying anything." Jinwoo stared at his coffee cup.

The two of them still not looking at each other.

"I should've been aware. I'm sorry for closing off, for not choosing you. I know you were not making me choose, hyung. But I made you feel like you need to force yourself into my world . And I'm sorry for making you feel like you're no longer part of my plans anymore. I have so many things that I feel sorry about."

Jinwoo did not answer Mino's apology, afraid of saying the wrong things.

"I'm sorry for how I acted that night. For the things I said. For-"

"Mino," Jinwoo whispered. "I need time."

It was Jinwoo's voice that sounds so broken now.

Mino bit his lips to stop his words.

"I feel like I have nothing left right now."

Mino stopped himself from reaching out.

How tired he must've been? Mino thought.

"I've accepted a reassignment in China." Jinwoo stated calmly. "I'll be there for six months."

"And after that?" Mino asked. Unsure. Heart suddenly collapsing again.

Jinwoo smiled.

"I'll come back."

"I'll still be here." Mino promised. "I'll be better for you."

"Thank you."

"You're so good to me." Mino's voice was still a whisper.

"You're good for me too. We're just- just lost right now."

Their eyes finally met, and Jinwoo could see regrets in Mino's eyes. Regrets and silent whispers of 'I still miss you so much.'

His eyes must be reflecting the same thing.

They're going to be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Scream at me on twitter: @kenainot
> 
> I really like comments. Please leave me some. uwu


End file.
